Last November, in defiance of a broad, national failure for Republicans, the nation looked in shock to Ron DeSantis’ staggering gubernatorial re-election. In part, the story was Florida, once considered a “swing state” now firmly in the red. But much of the punditry’s conversation fell on a single city — Miami, the hispanic capital of America, which tipped Republican for the first time in memory. For years, the hispanic vote was considered a lock for Democrats, which was itself considered the obvious reason for the left-wing’s growing anti-border sentiments. So what was going on in Southern Florida?

Republicans have now begun to celebrate a trend they don’t understand. Alex Perez is a Cuban American writer from Miami, and the editor Real Clear Books. Today, he sets the record straight in this fascinating Sunday feature.

Viva!

Solana

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On Sunday mornings, I drive past a church in suburban Miami-Dade County on my way to the gym. As I approach the church, I try not to look, but I always take a peek. The sudden traffic suggests I’m not the only one. We’re looking at the women, of course. I don’t know what proper church attire is supposed to be these days, but in Miami it seems to be clothing that accentuates the ass. Granted, it’s difficult for Hispanic women to restrain all that carriage, but maybe they should strap it in a bit more when they’re at church. No judgment, of course. This is Miami, where judgment is pointless and tacky. You get used to all the ass. You still look at it, but you get used to it, if that makes sense. Maybe in the Midwest, cornfed white girls let it all hang out at the local megachurch, too, but it’s different in Miami. Here, the women deploy their assets and sexuality with a kind of glee. A buddy of mine stopped going to this very church because he was “too tempted.” “These girls look like they’re fresh out the club,” he said. Indeed, bro.

If you were to poll this diverse set of Rubenesque women as they entered the church, most of them would say they vote Republican. These Miami women are Republicans, but they’re certainly not conservative. Whenever I read about Miami’s new position as a “red” city, I think of these churchgoing women and the straitlaced conservatives who wouldn’t know where to look if they met a Marisleysis1. (Just make eye contact, Lloyd. Think of Roger Scruton or Edmund Burke. Focus on flat, flat prairie vistas, but whatever you do, don’t look down.) Miami might be a red city — for now — but it’s certainly not traditionally conservative. As Florida solidifies its position as the capital of red America, I can’t help but think of Miami’s place as an oddball outlier. Is Miami-Dade red? Si y no.

Miami doesn’t feel like a conservative city. In fact, framing the city as a bastion of conservatism is preposterous. Miami is not Florida — it has absolutely nothing in common with a red city in the South or the Midwest, or anywhere else in America. While it's true that Hispanics are increasingly shifting rightward and voting alongside the white working-class, and alienated by the Democratic Party’s extreme wokism, the assumption that Miamians, a diverse and rambunctious bunch, are “traditionally conservative” or even “American” is wrong.

Miami-Dade County is now red because it is mostly populated by Hispanics — Cubans, Venezuelans, etc. — that fled socialist regimes and other assorted dumps. This distaste for socialism and despotism has linked Miami Hispanics with the Republican Party, but the kinship between Miami conservatives and traditional American conservatives is overstated. Miami is more antisocialist than it is American. As the city gains prominence as a supposed conservative hub, this dichotomy and its tensions will become clear.

With so much talk of national divorce, it’s fascinating that Miami — where the divorce happened organically — is now central to the culture war. For decades, due to constant immigration from Spanish-speaking countries, in conjunction with the steady influx of down-and-out Americans seeking oblivion in a tropical nowheresville, Miami has developed a distinct culture: far more Latin American than it is American, which lends the city its world-famous party vibe and aesthetic.

The cliches about Miami are mostly true, and its longtime citizens embrace the lifestyle. Driving around midweek, during the early afternoon, you’ll think: does anyone work here? My estimation is that 20 to 25 people work in Miami at any given time. The city is hypersexualized and runs on Miami time; Miamians move quickly, but go nowhere. Service at restaurants, even at high-end joints, is abysmal. The roads are an abomination: a motley crew of new Miamians have proudly imported the maniacal vehicular styles of their native lands. Spanish might as well be the city’s official language — go to a restaurant or grab an Uber, you’ll know what I’m talking about. And the “Miamification” has only increased, as a record number of immigrants have entered the city over the last two years. Miami is becoming more Miami, if that was even possible. I personally know at least six Cubans who have entered the country through various illegal means in just the last year. I like all this because I’m a Miamian, but does this sound like a conservative city to you? Like an American city?

I find it unlikely that a city that divorced itself from the national ethos long ago will now function as a harbor for conservatives, especially when the idea of Miami is far more appealing than the reality to those not accustomed to the tone and tenor of the place. Miami conservatism is a perverted, far more fun version of its American counterpart. It’s obviously far more diverse, which makes for an interesting conversation about the future of the Republican party as Hispanics increasingly shift rightward.

As Hispanics have shifted to the right in recent years, Republican operatives have been very shrewd about how they’ve framed Hispanics. Unlike the left, which frames Hispanics as noble savages brutalized by white supremacy, right-wing ad men position Hispanics as consummate hard workers who are family-oriented and socially conservative. This is often true — especially among working-class Hispanics — but the idea that all Hispanics are good, little worker bees who work hard, love America, and have fun in a kitschy way (dancing salsa!) is the Republican version of framing Hispanics as noble savages. The Republican commercials geared toward Hispanics in the lead-up to the 2020 election, for example, were not only meant for Hispanics, but more importantly, for white conservatives who felt threatened by the diversification of their party and country. Hispanics, the ads suggested, are lovable brown jesters who would add only acceptable amounts of color to your party and nation. They’re just like you, only a little browner and sillier. Miami destroys this premise.

Everyone who lands in Miami, whether American or immigrant, if they so desire, can seamlessly integrate themselves into what I call the Miami Scam Economy. You can dabble in a little Medicare fraud and set up a “clinica,” injecting the arthritic knees of old Cuban ladies with saline solution and billing the government three grand — Miami ain’t the Medicare fraud capital for nothing. If you’re an entrepreneurial gal with physical assets, you can easily accrue the financial sort by picking up a sugar daddy or two. Do you want a rich Venezuelan expat or a whiteboy New Yorker stupefied by your surgically-augmented curves? Why not both? Options galore, Mami. Or if you’re anything like Miami grifter extraordinaire and loser, Enrique Tarrio, you can even scam your way into leading the Proud Boys as an Afro-Cuban. Tarrio, who’d previously been arrested for selling illegitimate medical supplies, made the mistake of leaving behind the insular Miami scam economy — he went stateside. Big mistake.

The Miami scam mindset, unlike the white-collar scheming ways of America, is based on pure immigrant pragmatism. Everyone’s got an angle, but they’re honest about it. No passive-aggressive, bureaucratic scheming here. No foundations or think tanks or fellowships in the 305. No bowties, only Miami Heat jerseys. Do you want this Rolex? It’s not fake, I promise. Do you want to take me out? Zelle me my rent money, Bradley. How refreshing. If you’re tired of the HR takeover, of standards and practices, I recommend Miami. If you’re tired of America, but still want to use the mighty American dollar, I recommend Miami. But you will have to become a Miami person to survive.

Into this moment of Miami relevance steps Miami’s mayor, Francis Suarez, who recently announced a preposterous presidential run. Suarez doesn’t have a shot at the nomination (“What’s a Uyghur?”), but I hope he makes the debate stage so he can showcase his brand of Miami conservatism to the country. Suarez has received heat from the DeSantis and Trump camps for his wishy-washy politics — he apparently voted for Hillary and Andrew Gillum — but his lack of conservative bona fides is what makes him an intriguing candidate. Suarez is a political chameleon — and schemer — because he’s from Miami, where the multicultural makeup requires glad-handing with all kinds of people. He’s been attacked for wearing Pride regalia, but like everyone in Miami, he’s cool with the gays. Miami has a vocal gay community, and to alienate it would be political suicide.

If Suarez comes off as cosmopolitan and liberal, it’s because Miami’s cultural dynamics require it. Like the half-naked churchgoing ladies, there’s an inherent open-mindedness to his “conservatism.” The church gals wouldn’t be down with the trans agenda, for instance, but they’re also not very puritanical nor “trad.” Growing up in a multicultural urban environment will naturally result in a more open-minded, libertine attitude.

If Suarez makes the debate stage, the country will come face-to-face with the most Miami person of all time; he’ll lean into this “multicultural coolness” because it’s the only card he can play. Suarez isn’t deft or experienced enough to make it work, but his brand of Miami conservatism is worthy of discussion, especially as Hispanics continue their rightward shift. I don’t think America is ready for a legit Miami accent, or Miami conservatism, for that matter, but like all things Miami, it’s going to be a hilarious good time.

-Alex Perez