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G. B. RangoLast November, in defiance of a broad, national failure for Republicans, the nation looked in shock to Ron DeSantisâ staggering gubernatorial re-election. In part, the story was Florida, once considered a âswing stateâ now firmly in the red. But much of the punditryâs conversation fell on a single city â Miami, the hispanic capital of America, which tipped Republican for the first time in memory. For years, the hispanic vote was considered a lock for Democrats, which was itself considered the obvious reason for the left-wingâs growing anti-border sentiments. So what was going on in Southern Florida?
Republicans have now begun to celebrate a trend they donât understand. Alex Perez is a Cuban American writer from Miami, and the editor Real Clear Books. Today, he sets the record straight in this fascinating Sunday feature.
Viva!
Solana
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On Sunday mornings, I drive past a church in suburban Miami-Dade County on my way to the gym. As I approach the church, I try not to look, but I always take a peek. The sudden traffic suggests Iâm not the only one. Weâre looking at the women, of course. I donât know what proper church attire is supposed to be these days, but in Miami it seems to be clothing that accentuates the ass. Granted, itâs difficult for Hispanic women to restrain all that carriage, but maybe they should strap it in a bit more when theyâre at church. No judgment, of course. This is Miami, where judgment is pointless and tacky. You get used to all the ass. You still look at it, but you get used to it, if that makes sense. Maybe in the Midwest, cornfed white girls let it all hang out at the local megachurch, too, but itâs different in Miami. Here, the women deploy their assets and sexuality with a kind of glee. A buddy of mine stopped going to this very church because he was âtoo tempted.â âThese girls look like theyâre fresh out the club,â he said. Indeed, bro.
If you were to poll this diverse set of Rubenesque women as they entered the church, most of them would say they vote Republican. These Miami women are Republicans, but theyâre certainly not conservative. Whenever I read about Miamiâs new position as a âredâ city, I think of these churchgoing women and the straitlaced conservatives who wouldnât know where to look if they met a Marisleysis1. (Just make eye contact, Lloyd. Think of Roger Scruton or Edmund Burke. Focus on flat, flat prairie vistas, but whatever you do, donât look down.) Miami might be a red city â for now â but itâs certainly not traditionally conservative. As Florida solidifies its position as the capital of red America, I canât help but think of Miamiâs place as an oddball outlier. Is Miami-Dade red? Si y no.
Miami doesnât feel like a conservative city. In fact, framing the city as a bastion of conservatism is preposterous. Miami is not Florida â it has absolutely nothing in common with a red city in the South or the Midwest, or anywhere else in America. While itâs true that Hispanics are increasingly shifting rightward and voting alongside the white working-class, and alienated by the Democratic Partyâs extreme wokism, the assumption that Miamians, a diverse and rambunctious bunch, are âtraditionally conservativeâ or even âAmericanâ is wrong.
Miami-Dade County is now red because it is mostly populated by Hispanics â Cubans, Venezuelans, etc. â that fled socialist regimes and other assorted dumps. This distaste for socialism and despotism has linked Miami Hispanics with the Republican Party, but the kinship between Miami conservatives and traditional American conservatives is overstated. Miami is more antisocialist than it is American. As the city gains prominence as a supposed conservative hub, this dichotomy and its tensions will become clear.
With so much talk of national divorce, itâs fascinating that Miami â where the divorce happened organically â is now central to the culture war. For decades, due to constant immigration from Spanish-speaking countries, in conjunction with the steady influx of down-and-out Americans seeking oblivion in a tropical nowheresville, Miami has developed a distinct culture: far more Latin American than it is American, which lends the city its world-famous party vibe and aesthetic.
The cliches about Miami are mostly true, and its longtime citizens embrace the lifestyle. Driving around midweek, during the early afternoon, youâll think: does anyone work here? My estimation is that 20 to 25 people work in Miami at any given time. The city is hypersexualized and runs on Miami time; Miamians move quickly, but go nowhere. Service at restaurants, even at high-end joints, is abysmal. The roads are an abomination: a motley crew of new Miamians have proudly imported the maniacal vehicular styles of their native lands. Spanish might as well be the cityâs official language â go to a restaurant or grab an Uber, youâll know what Iâm talking about. And the âMiamificationâ has only increased, as a record number of immigrants have entered the city over the last two years. Miami is becoming more Miami, if that was even possible. I personally know at least six Cubans who have entered the country through various illegal means in just the last year. I like all this because Iâm a Miamian, but does this sound like a conservative city to you? Like an American city?
I find it unlikely that a city that divorced itself from the national ethos long ago will now function as a harbor for conservatives, especially when the idea of Miami is far more appealing than the reality to those not accustomed to the tone and tenor of the place. Miami conservatism is a perverted, far more fun version of its American counterpart. Itâs obviously far more diverse, which makes for an interesting conversation about the future of the Republican party as Hispanics increasingly shift rightward.
As Hispanics have shifted to the right in recent years, Republican operatives have been very shrewd about how theyâve framed Hispanics. Unlike the left, which frames Hispanics as noble savages brutalized by white supremacy, right-wing ad men position Hispanics as consummate hard workers who are family-oriented and socially conservative. This is often true â especially among working-class Hispanics â but the idea that all Hispanics are good, little worker bees who work hard, love America, and have fun in a kitschy way (dancing salsa!) is the Republican version of framing Hispanics as noble savages. The Republican commercials geared toward Hispanics in the lead-up to the 2020 election, for example, were not only meant for Hispanics, but more importantly, for white conservatives who felt threatened by the diversification of their party and country. Hispanics, the ads suggested, are lovable brown jesters who would add only acceptable amounts of color to your party and nation. Theyâre just like you, only a little browner and sillier. Miami destroys this premise.
Everyone who lands in Miami, whether American or immigrant, if they so desire, can seamlessly integrate themselves into what I call the Miami Scam Economy. You can dabble in a little Medicare fraud and set up a âclinica,â injecting the arthritic knees of old Cuban ladies with saline solution and billing the government three grand â Miami ainât the Medicare fraud capital for nothing. If youâre an entrepreneurial gal with physical assets, you can easily accrue the financial sort by picking up a sugar daddy or two. Do you want a rich Venezuelan expat or a whiteboy New Yorker stupefied by your surgically-augmented curves? Why not both? Options galore, Mami. Or if youâre anything like Miami grifter extraordinaire and loser, Enrique Tarrio, you can even scam your way into leading the Proud Boys as an Afro-Cuban. Tarrio, whoâd previously been arrested for selling illegitimate medical supplies, made the mistake of leaving behind the insular Miami scam economy â he went stateside. Big mistake.
The Miami scam mindset, unlike the white-collar scheming ways of America, is based on pure immigrant pragmatism. Everyoneâs got an angle, but theyâre honest about it. No passive-aggressive, bureaucratic scheming here. No foundations or think tanks or fellowships in the 305. No bowties, only Miami Heat jerseys. Do you want this Rolex? Itâs not fake, I promise. Do you want to take me out? Zelle me my rent money, Bradley. How refreshing. If youâre tired of the HR takeover, of standards and practices, I recommend Miami. If youâre tired of America, but still want to use the mighty American dollar, I recommend Miami. But you will have to become a Miami person to survive.
Into this moment of Miami relevance steps Miamiâs mayor, Francis Suarez, who recently announced a preposterous presidential run. Suarez doesnât have a shot at the nomination (âWhatâs a Uyghur?â), but I hope he makes the debate stage so he can showcase his brand of Miami conservatism to the country. Suarez has received heat from the DeSantis and Trump camps for his wishy-washy politics â he apparently voted for Hillary and Andrew Gillum â but his lack of conservative bona fides is what makes him an intriguing candidate. Suarez is a political chameleon â and schemer â because heâs from Miami, where the multicultural makeup requires glad-handing with all kinds of people. Heâs been attacked for wearing Pride regalia, but like everyone in Miami, heâs cool with the gays. Miami has a vocal gay community, and to alienate it would be political suicide.
If Suarez comes off as cosmopolitan and liberal, itâs because Miamiâs cultural dynamics require it. Like the half-naked churchgoing ladies, thereâs an inherent open-mindedness to his âconservatism.â The church gals wouldnât be down with the trans agenda, for instance, but theyâre also not very puritanical nor âtrad.â Growing up in a multicultural urban environment will naturally result in a more open-minded, libertine attitude.
If Suarez makes the debate stage, the country will come face-to-face with the most Miami person of all time; heâll lean into this âmulticultural coolnessâ because itâs the only card he can play. Suarez isnât deft or experienced enough to make it work, but his brand of Miami conservatism is worthy of discussion, especially as Hispanics continue their rightward shift. I donât think America is ready for a legit Miami accent, or Miami conservatism, for that matter, but like all things Miami, itâs going to be a hilarious good time.
-Alex Perez
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