Illuminati stay winning. If you were anywhere near the internet last weekend during what was not only the most watched football game of the year, or the decade, but America’s most watched television event since the 1969 moon landing, you know — more surely than you know the moon landing never actually happened — that the Chiefs would not have won the Super Bowl without the government’s help. Welcome to the hottest new conspiracy theory this side of gay frogs: Taylor Swift is a Deep State asset. Long story short, “the elites” coordinated Taylor’s sham romance with Chiefs’ star Travis Kelce, drumming up months of celebrity-obsessed hysteria and raising Taylor’s profile to the stature of national demigod. Then, they assisted the Chiefs in each of the team’s games up to and finally including the championship, which culminated in a live kiss between America’s newest most beloved couple. Now, at the zenith of Taylor’s celebrity, she is expected to endorse Joe Biden for the presidency. This, we are told, is how the Democrats will defeat Donald Trump, who is apparently unstoppable but for the influence of this single American pop star (and for what it’s worth, Trump does seem worried). Following our shadow government’s tremendous success, Biden publicly declared victory for the conspiratorial power grab, a rare bit of humor from our nation’s senile leader with which I’d credit the man were he not so obviously asleep when it was posted by his social media team. In any case, and all joking aside, nearly one in five Americans presently believes some version of this story. Should we be worried?

Here, the casual “disinformation expert” would have you fear the proliferation of wrongthink on the internet, ignoring the fact that Americans have always been a little crazy, and obfuscating what appears to be an uncomfortable law of culture: at any given moment, regardless of their veracity, popular conspiracy theories accurately signal the coordinates of power. This, at the very least, makes them useful. But in pointing to laser-eyed Joe and Deep State Taylor, the increasingly goofy aesthetics of our popular conspiracy theories also seem to signal the decay of American power. Of course, nothing has signaled this decay as loudly, or as obviously, as the overreaction of power’s mouthpiece in the press to the prospect of its youthful replacement — a sort of photo negative of the normie nobody in a tinfoil hat — which brings us to our third and final revelation. Throughout the dying media, in increasingly dramatic fits of hysteria, the Old Elite have effectively anointed their replacement by declaring their most hated enemy: the shitposting gods of tech.

New paradigm incoming? Well, it’s either that or collapse, and I’m too optimistic for the latter. But before we get to the New(er) World Order, we need to briefly talk about the Demon Bowl, because through these “dark plots and secret explanations” the world has always revealed itself in parable, if not — or at least not always — in fact.

Variations of ‘Deep State Taylor’ span the benign, for example Taylor and Travis are simply covering up their mutual homosexuality, to the especially evocative, which is to say, for the most part, “Satan.” Here, camps tend to divide between Satan-worshipping elites, including both Taylor and the most powerful players in the American Deep State, and something more legitimately religious, or sacrilegious shall we say, including Taylor’s literal pact with the devil. I should note her newest bestie Ice Spice, who wore an upside down cross to the Super Bowl and was recorded in the middle of a few demonic hand gestures, has not helped Taylor’s case. Of course, Taylor’s own story has also failed to do her any favors. For as long as there has been such a thing as ‘Swiftie lore,’ the number 13 — Taylor’s favorite number — has played an integral role in the canon: her birthday, her tour dates, the day Kanye stole her mic and “made her famous,” the timestamp on the screenshots of her songs she shares on Instagram. This has all led, finally, to 2024’s 13th Grammy, and Sunday’s Super Bowl, which marked Taylor’s 13th Chiefs’ game, where, as the tide of this long and difficult battle first turned in the Chiefs’ favor, Taylor’s (future husband’s) team took the lead 13 (!) to 10. But it’s just a cutesy sort of thing that Taylor might favor the most popularly unpopular number in America, right? Sure, it’s possible, but consider for a moment that Judas Iscariot, the betrayer of Christ, was 13th to sit at the Last Supper. A coincidence? I think not.

Or, this is how things tend to evolve in conversation with a true believer.

From where I’m sitting, proliferation of the Deep State Taylor theory really isn’t as alarming as the disinformation experts would have you think. Americans have always believed in crazy shit, the Taylor theory seems innocent enough, and at this point we’ve been living in the Clown World for what, seven years? I’ve stumbled into schizophrenic subreddits that chilled me to my bone. The rise of Ice Spice is not the thing that’s keeping me awake at night. But the Taylor theory does accurately, and uncomfortably, point to power. No, Swift’s relationship with Kelce is probably not a government plot. I think she just likes a Big Boy, frankly, and God bless this for the culture. But are the president’s handlers working in unofficial alignment with the courts, our largest corporations, and our most influential media entities to elect Biden? I mean, I’d be shocked if there were any secret meetings, but this is obviously true, and truth concerning who holds power has always been revealed in precisely this manner.

Were Kennedy and Marilyn killed by the CIA? Is the government hiding evidence of UFOs? Did Franklin Delano Roosevelt know about Pearl Harbor before the attack? Probably not, but in their popularity each of these theories correctly names power in each of their respective decades. More recently, what about the lab leak theory, or the vaccine ch*pping of America? Did the secret service lead the J6 rioters through the capital? Did the FBI leave pallets of cinder blocks throughout American cities the night before each riot? Flirtation with any one of these stories was, for years, forbidden. But such forbidding is only even possible in power, which is why the people and institutions you’re not permitted to say crazy things about are always in charge. Not that it matters, but I neither believe that Epstein killed himself nor that Russia’s Navalny died on a peaceful little walk outside his Arctic penal colony (I’m a moderate, you see). What I do believe is both “conspiracy theories” correctly lay down the coordinates of power in each of their respective countries.

Now, the Deep State Super Bowl is especially interesting, as it follows the aesthetic trend in conspiracies away from the legitimately frightful and into the totally stupid, signaling another vital bit of truth. As our coordinates of power shift from the formidable men in black of the 1950s to silly old laser-eyed Joe and his pop star puppetress, a few important trends become apparent. First, it’s always worth noting the cartoonish nature of the internet, which now warps every corner of society like a fun house mirror maze. But the buffoonish caricature of these new conspiracies also constitutes a tell of sorts, in which even the most hysterical incel subredditor seems to understand, on some level, the Big Bad Evil of American Power has decayed — to the point that it needs Taylor Swift to help control the country. Here as well, while the theory is technically bullshit (at least I’m pretty sure), the conspiracy’s aesthetic reveals an important truth. American power is weaker than it’s ever been.

Which… I mean we know this, right?

Just a few days after Joe Biden’s self-defeating attempt at proving he wasn’t senile to the White House press corps, San Francisco made national headlines (again) pertaining to its endemic, effectively legalized chaos (again). This time, a giant mob swarmed a self-driving car, and lit it on fire.

In keeping with local custom, no arrests were made. But while we often focus on the question of why the city tolerates this kind of thing, it’s worth asking what would happen if it didn’t? If the mayor wanted to, would she even be capable of maintaining order? I often focus on the pro-crime philosophy of local legislators, and that philosophy is both explicit and endemic. But could it also be a cope?

Beyond crime, American power is broadly incapable. A hundred years ago, Grand Central Station was built for $43 million, or about $1 billion adjusted for inflation. For some context, the government of New York City just dropped $1.6 billion to freshen up the interior of Moynihan Hall, a single chunk of Penn Station. Meanwhile, in D.C., the local government is currently pitching a brand new station for $8.8 billion. With 9 out of 10 state projects concluding in dramatic cost overrun, we can safely assume an additional 30% or so on top — so something like $11 billion, or over 10x what it used to cost to build our infrastructure. Of course, that’s only what it will cost if it’s ever actually built. Even if we find the money, money’s not enough. Remember Biden’s trillion-dollar “infrastructure bill,” comprised almost entirely of ‘refurbishments,’ and ‘upgrades,’ with no new stations, and no root improvements to the nation’s infrastructure? A failure of vision, a failure of ability, and a failure of will. I should note we did drop a cool $7.5 billy on a bunch of “equity grants,” but I still haven’t found a way to ride those from San Francisco to Los Angeles.

In consideration of the American elite’s inability to do, well, almost anything, the scorched Waymo becomes more interesting than San Francisco’s endemic crime. It also represents a kind of witch burning, in which the mob, at the behest of a fawning press, turns on the small group of Americans who have demonstrated, more than any other in our lives, competence: technologists and entrepreneurs. The purpose of the mob’s instigation (and systemic support) is obvious. The tech industry doesn’t just maintain a capacity to build new things, the tech industry consists of a new class of people building new things, and they are increasingly isolated from mainstream culture. In other words, I think we’re looking at the slow emergence of a new elite, not only in terms of businesses built, but in politicians run, in novel institutions founded, in new press, and in new culture. Just as the conspiracy theory points to power, nothing has so greatly indicated the “tech elite’s” importance than the panicked fury of the older elements in press.

Kara Swisher, the tech media’s foremost Elon-hating Kara Swisher enthusiast, recently penned a fascinating eulogy of her own relevance. Partly, this was an interesting, if sad profile of a woman who was once young, and excited by the subject that she covered. Partly, this was a tragic warning of ego’s corrosive influence on talent, no matter how limited. But mostly it was a war on the “tech bro” press (am I the villain? I don’t think that I’m the villain). With no apparent self-awareness, Kara ironically concluded her story of triumph in the face of authority with an argument we used to be a proper nation in which gates were kept and held. Now, she seems to warn, the industry is talking to itself rather than exclusively reading about itself from a special class of media figures who loathe technology and business at the conceptual level. Weren’t things better before the tech bros?

Never a fan of appeals to authority, I also found the pitch to “shut up and build” interesting given the state of recent press.

After Biden’s disastrous “I’ve still got it” presser, the New York Times — which, to its credit, does sometimes publish news — produced a defense of his performance. “I’m a Neuroscientist,” read the headline, “We’re Thinking About Biden’s Memory and Age in the Wrong Way.” But the “Paper of Record’s” clownish block and tackle for their preferred political candidate is nothing to the actual clown shit with which even our most “serious” outlets fill their pages. Some highlights from these recent weeks: are you single and sleeping around? You’re not just easy anymore, the Times insists, you’re “solo poly,” as in “polyamorous” (unlimited sexual partners), but with no “primary” (actual person to whom you are committed). Men who don’t like porn or want to masturbate? Dangerous for society insists NPR, a media outlet I am, for some reason, still forced by law to pay for. While reporting on the torched Waymo, in the wildest moment of the month by far, The Verge made sure to helpfully explain mob hysteria and literal arson are just “time-honored parts of the human experience.”

It’s this latter bit of “news,” following Kara’s eulogy, that really makes it clear: they genuinely hate the people who they’re covering. But that hatred is clearly born of fear, which makes power’s mouthpiece more aware of what’s coming, I think, than the average “tech bro” of their nightmares. Because all the press is really saying here is “tech bros” are the new elite. Of course, in the face of such consistent vitriol and aggressive stupidity, entrepreneurs and professionals have begun to look elsewhere for their news, thus accelerating the very trend toward a new and growing information ecosystem the Old Elites all fear. This is just the beginning. As our troublesome tech elite increasingly set to shaping not only their industry, but the cities where they live, in accordance with their own values, success will surely follow. Power will continue to shift. Soon, we’ll hear conspiracies starring Zuckerberg, Elon, and Bezos more often than we do about the president’s Deep State. These conspiracies will be terrifying, impossible, crazy, and there will be your new coordinates of power.

This is the 113th issue of Pirate Wires, for what it’s worth. An interesting fact, is all. A coincidence.

-SOLANA